I heard Tony’s jacket hit the back of the chair he usually hung it on, and those heavy footfalls come my
way, his shadow looming over me at the sink. He started to move my hair aside and I turned, whirling on
my sneaker and backed up against the counter.
“Don’t… please?”
His blue eyes penetrated mine and he nodded carefully, leaning in none the less to kiss me. My eyes
fluttered shut as his mouth moved carefully over mine. I kissed him back, and it was just as magical and
as beautiful as the kiss the day before. I blindly set my glass aside on the counter and went to reach for
him, but dammit, I’d misjudged and it slipped off the counter’s edge and shattered on the floor.
The crash of breaking glass made me jump and cry out, and I stuffed my hand against my mouth and
squeezed my eyes shut. Cringing from my memories.
“It’s okay; it’s totally okay…” he murmured soothingly and smoothed some of my hair out of the way of
my face so he could see me. “It’s just water and just glass, I’ve got it… no big deal.” He gently moved
me the opposite direction of the mess around the kitchen island and said, “Go grab a stool, sit down.”
I swallowed hard, on the verge of tears, my heart racing, pulse jumping painfully out of the side of my
neck, chest crushed as I struggled to breathe normally, in through my nose hold for a few seconds, and
out.
The first panic attack had happened in the hospital, Pasquale had recognized it instantly and had helped
me through some exercises. I knew what they were now. I am in control. I told myself. Tony went about
cleaning up, letting me have some space and by the time he was done, I felt better. Still rattled, but better.
“You alright?” he asked, and I nodded.
I knew in the front of my mind that it didn’t matter, that Tony was the last person who would judge, that
any number of medical personnel had seen the scars, but for some irrational reason, Tony was different.
He wasn’t someone I wanted to see the ugliness… He just… wasn’t.
He came around to me and I twisted in my seat to face him, looking up at him and biting my bottom lip.
He looked like he was going to give me a pep talk but the words died on his lips. He searched my face
and stepped in close, between my knees and lowered his face to mine. I closed my eyes, and let him kiss
me, kissing him back and sighing out with relief. I wanted so badly to feel something good and Tony’s
kiss was like heaven.
His hands smoothed over my hips and up to my ribs and he gathered the hem of my fitted workout tank
with his fingers, slipping his hand underneath and putting it against my skin. My desire for him shot
through the roof at the same time my anxiety rose. I broke the kiss and pulled back and said breathlessly,
“I can’t… my scars.”
He growled low and intense and said, “Baby, you’re gonna be on your back; no way I’m even going to
see your scars.”
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